Shrieks from the paddling pool well- tended perennials floral dresses and linen

Shrieks from the paddling pool, well- tended perennials, floral dresses and linen shorts with turn-ups, aroma of barbecue."May I help you?" asks an unsmiling, pink-faced woman who has to be Henry's mum She's holding a tray of drinks I see her clocking my cut-offs and unironed T-shirt I introduce myself. "Sorry", I say, "to butt in, but I wondered whether Jacob was here?"She says he's already on his way back through the gardens. I have purposely not mentioned the Incident, but she comes right out with it "I gather there was some trouble in Wes's garden?""Well ... " I begin."I just want you to know: Henry was with me that afternoon, the whole time. So he couldn't have been involved - OK?" Steely, chillingly sure of herself, she continues: "I gather the kids from the council place were there?""Yes ...

" I begin again."The trouble with those sort of people," she interrupts, "is they've got no garden of their own, so they've no idea how to behave in other people's gardens. Nice to meet you, anyway."She nods and moves off with the drinks. I exit, pursued by the bear of her certainty.Back at home, we drag Jacob round to Wes's for a second go at apology Wes is home Jacob looks him in the eye more or less - and apologises. Wes laughs generously, and won't take the rum."Just to say we're sorry," Jonathan urges. But Wes is adamant, says everything's OK, it's fine.Now that the ice is broken, Wes says hello to us in the street at every opportunity. Jacob has learnt one of life's lessons and won't be Peter- Rabbiting through anyone's garden - for a while at least. As for Henry, we next see him in our garden,idly snapping branches off the buddleia..

Villagers in East Pekham, Kent, were alarmed last week when their Methodist Hall became infested by rats. These rodents had long thick tails, hunched backs and beady eyes, but there the comparison with ordinary rats ended. These were the supermodels of the rat world: rats that have pedicures, eat smoked salmon and swoon at the merest whiff of a sewer And they were wearing rosettes. Rat Crufts '95 had come to town and pedigree rodents from throughout England vied for the accolade of Best in Show. According to the National Fancy Rat Society, which organised the show, fancy rats should be refined, affectionate and delicate, and generally as far removed from the sewage-eating variety as possible Discoloured fur, dirty tails and obesity are out. Points are also awarded for temperament: at one point judge Tina Gruber rubs a competitor against her chin to see how it will react.Lively teenage does (female rats) are considered the most glamorous; any rat over six months old is considered to be past it.

"What we are really trying to produce," confides one owner, "is the rodent equivalent of Kate Moss."Along with the hard-core rat breeders, all happy to share the minutiae of rodent lifestyles, are (inexplicably) a remarkable number of nurses and care assistants, a few rat-owning families and a host of young women who say they find rodents "cute". In the company of fellow enthusiasts, they become quite animated."I've trained my rats to respond to a whistle like a dog," says Geoff Izzard. Another rat-owner confesses that she walks her pets on a harness with balloons attached.Elizabeth Gough, 26, confides that although she likes her boyfriend's rat, she is disturbed by some of its habits Once, she says, it shredded her entire T-shirt collection. "Look at that one - it's huge!" she shrieks, spotting an enormous curled-up male "Picking up that one would really bother me. It has huge balls."Most of the people at the show own at least seven rats. Optician Stewart Earl has 20, which he keeps in his front room "It's only a small stud at the moment I want to build it up and get more," he says "My friends think I'm quite strange when I mention the rats.